Your Sick Voice

Ah yes, we have all done it - you know pulled a sickie for the name of shoe shopping, lunch with the fellow tarts or my personal fave, due to a fuckingly enormous hang-over. Whatever your reason, you've had to make that call. The one that tests your ability as a wanna-be actress (and the Oscar goes to... *drum roll*....)

Some tarts have this down to a tea - luckily for me, I happen to be one of them. I manage to get away with murder *chuffed, smug grin* I truly believe that the art of your sick voice lies in your ability to make it sound like you are dying a slow, painful, tortuous death. This tart is blessed with the ability to turn on the water works in a matter of seconds. Often I find myself "sniffling" and "snotting" into the phone with my boss on the other end of the line, feeling oh-so-sorry for moi but I can still hear the slight hesitation in his / her voice. This is the exact moment I choose to realise my secret weapon. A couple of sobbing tears later and Bob's your uncle. I'm booked off work, told to take it easy and just rest up.

With technology becoming such a major feature in all our lives, the art of the sms is starting to lend itself to a rather unusual way of usage. No longer shalt thou have to call in sick. Oh no that is so circa 2000! Nope, today, you simply type your little sob story text and away it goes. Of course it may help adding some graphics or even better: sound! Just imagine your boss receiving this text, waiting for it to open and the first thing it does is sneeze, cough and then vomit. Badda-bing-badda-boom. You're home, free.

Now that's what I call a fucking tart saver!