Once again, another legend is born!
Jozigal says:
Ok, what else is interesting?
BoozyT says:
Me
BoozyT says:
I'm taking your slight silence to mean that you concur with my interestingness?!
Jozigal says:
Well I was thinking besides me...
Jozigal says:
Insane!
BoozyT says:
And it's fucking great! We're fucking great, no scratch that (yes scratch it - scratch the crap out of it!) we're fucking awesome!
Jozigal says:
I concur...
Jozigal says:
So dude, I had another fucked up dream last night...
BoozyT says:
Did I kill you this time?
Jozigal says:
Dreamt that I had a BF, and his name was Johan, although in the middle of the dream I forgot his name and then D told me that I look happy and that he wasn’t...
Jozigal says:
And then I asked him if I should fix it for him, bcoz I can, and then I woke up...
BoozyT says:
Ok, that's fucking weird noodle!
BoozyT says:
I wonder what all of these mean?
BoozyT says:
And why Johan as a BF name - think next time you need to choose something sexier
Jozigal says:
I know, although this guy was hot!!!!!!!
BoozyT says:
The thing is he might be hot but you have to ask yourself whether or not you wanna be screaming out JOHAN in a moment of passion - just sounds off putting!
Jozigal says:
I never do... Not my thing screaming out names...
BoozyT says:
So you're not a screamer then?
BoozyT says:
Actually, don't answer that! *lol*
Jozigal says:
Didn’t say that...
BoozyT says:
Just think that next time you need to pick a way hotter name - hot dream men need hot names! It's Dream About Sexy Hot Steamy Men 101!
Jozigal says:
Like the one in that email from yesterday...
BoozyT says:
No, you clearly just scream out: Oh fuck me George - oh no sorry, I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to God... Please continue fucking me - thanks!
BoozyT says:
Oh fuck me 5 times from Sunday phuleez. Jee-sus he was gorgeous!
Jozigal says:
I also did a Tarot on myself last night and it also said that there is some union on the way
Jozigal says:
Maybe I get to have a trial BF for a while again...
BoozyT says:
A union, mmmm that sounds fuckable?!
Jozigal says:
That’s always fun...
BoozyT says:
Trial BF are the best - all the shagging, none of the issues!
Jozigal says:
I know...YAY
BoozyT says:
YAY for fuckable trial BF's - bless their um *cough cough*
Jozigal says:
Well we shall see...
BoozyT says:
His cock-a-doo-dil-do... Yes you shall noodle
Jozigal says:
Not nearly near the dating range yet, but your never know...
BoozyT says:
Exactly - lightening could strike and often when you least expect it. Is weird like that, mmmm even shagging buddies are hard to find these days *dramatic sigh*
BoozyT says:
Times are tuff!
BoozyT says:
Hahaha – almost wrote tits are tuff
Jozigal says:
Yes, well at least someone is showing interest...
Jozigal says:
so don’t complain, and The Pilot is crazy about you!
BoozyT says:
BS - you have loads of peeps showing interest they just never manage to cross the finish line and are therefore, according to sound tart theory, not worth the fuck anyway
Jozigal says:
Uhm... Where?
BoozyT says:
Everywhere - you don't notice them but I do - that's why I am your BFF (best fuck finder)!
Jozigal says:
You’re full shit...
Jozigal says:
There has been one, and that was The Baron Man
BoozyT says:
Exactly - great BFF I was there (har har har - oops) I promise that from now on my BFF face will be on constantly!
BoozyT says:
Dude, I think we have another bloggable fuckable MSN here.... again!
BoozyT says:
We are legends! BU JA KA SHA
Jozigal says:
Will copy later.... just a bit busy... besides you can’t put this in your blog.... I sound pathetic....
BoozyT says:
You never sound pathetic - I on the other hand sound like a sex starved nympho!
Jozigal says:
well,. once you’ve opened Pandora’s box, there’s no closing that MF...
BoozyT says:
Especially when it's filled with Spandex, Durex, Playtex and Lube-ex!
BoozyT says:
It's every pimple filled horny freaks dream! Lucky us!
BoozyT says:
Just re-read the last sentence and technically you have named my poen... Pandora!
Jozigal says:
No I didn’t name your waaahhhaaaa - you mentalist!
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Let's go Frolic...!
Oh. My. Sachel.
I am like a giddy little kid, a horny teenager and a tart who knows her birthday is 2 sleeps away! ALL ROLLED INTO ONE!!!
Besides the fact that I am in a walking-on-sunshine mood, the freezing cold fucking weather has brought something that I think every kid (and possibly grown-up tart) should have the pleasure of enjoying...
... SNOW!!!
Last time I saw snow I was 14! That was awesome - did some skiing and besides getting wrapped around one of the ski poles (very, very long story) I loved every minute of it. Mmmm, ok maybe that is a slight exaggeration - I did moan constantly about how cold I was but cut a boozed up tart in the making some slack?!
So snow - how totally fucking awesome is snow? Like TOTALLY! Snow has the same hold over me as ice-cream. I see it. I want it. Must have it.
The problem so far is having to control my urge to go and frolic in it, especially when said gorgeous snow is in front of potential client's offices...
I am like a giddy little kid, a horny teenager and a tart who knows her birthday is 2 sleeps away! ALL ROLLED INTO ONE!!!
Besides the fact that I am in a walking-on-sunshine mood, the freezing cold fucking weather has brought something that I think every kid (and possibly grown-up tart) should have the pleasure of enjoying...
... SNOW!!!
Last time I saw snow I was 14! That was awesome - did some skiing and besides getting wrapped around one of the ski poles (very, very long story) I loved every minute of it. Mmmm, ok maybe that is a slight exaggeration - I did moan constantly about how cold I was but cut a boozed up tart in the making some slack?!
So snow - how totally fucking awesome is snow? Like TOTALLY! Snow has the same hold over me as ice-cream. I see it. I want it. Must have it.
The problem so far is having to control my urge to go and frolic in it, especially when said gorgeous snow is in front of potential client's offices...
Monday, June 25, 2007
Doing the Facebook thang!
I don't think there is anyone on this planet who hates Facebook - mmm, ok well maybe Crombie who is of the opinion that MySpace is a brazillion times better. I'm not so sure I agree with her on this one. Granted, I did delete my MySpace account as I kept getting these arb and totally scary and ludicrous requests from mofro looking people....
That's what I love about technology - don't like: DELETE, think you're a fucking nutjob: DELETE...! Awesome!
... Facebook though is proving to be a little problematic at the moment - especially when all your exs from high school days and varsity and and and start sending you friend requests. Now one could argue that these are completely innocent and bare no cruel intentions per say but I am not entirely convinced. Back in the days I was a real fucking spoilt rich girl who thought the world of herself and um ja pretty much just me hey.
But life has a funny, and sometimes hard, way of teaching you the true meaning of it. It's a lesson I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Without a doubt, I am a better person for it but I have to ponder why my ex-boyfs feel compelled to re-connect? I firmly believe that exs are exs for a reason and never again shall them or I meet (unless it's at a club followed by an awkward hello and them offering to buy me a drink or 3... then great, otherwise...)
And I mean it's not like you can reject the poor bastards because well this tart has kinda done that once already and I feel sorry for them. I mean how much of a beating can their ego's really take? Then again, I am completely open to the fact that I think I am overly-fabulous and as such am reading too much into these little requests (tend to read too much into most things)...
Mmmm, the Facebook ponderation continues!
That's what I love about technology - don't like: DELETE, think you're a fucking nutjob: DELETE...! Awesome!
... Facebook though is proving to be a little problematic at the moment - especially when all your exs from high school days and varsity and and and start sending you friend requests. Now one could argue that these are completely innocent and bare no cruel intentions per say but I am not entirely convinced. Back in the days I was a real fucking spoilt rich girl who thought the world of herself and um ja pretty much just me hey.
But life has a funny, and sometimes hard, way of teaching you the true meaning of it. It's a lesson I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Without a doubt, I am a better person for it but I have to ponder why my ex-boyfs feel compelled to re-connect? I firmly believe that exs are exs for a reason and never again shall them or I meet (unless it's at a club followed by an awkward hello and them offering to buy me a drink or 3... then great, otherwise...)
And I mean it's not like you can reject the poor bastards because well this tart has kinda done that once already and I feel sorry for them. I mean how much of a beating can their ego's really take? Then again, I am completely open to the fact that I think I am overly-fabulous and as such am reading too much into these little requests (tend to read too much into most things)...
Mmmm, the Facebook ponderation continues!
Drinking and driving... OR... Driving and drinking
Dear Universe
Lately I have noticed that you have been tyring to put the fear of Sheeba into me. Firstly, let me just say that this is working... And it is something I do not appreciate for the following reasons:
Lately I have noticed that you have been tyring to put the fear of Sheeba into me. Firstly, let me just say that this is working... And it is something I do not appreciate for the following reasons:
- I have always, since the beginning of boozy tart's time, pushed the boundaries. Whether those be the boundaries of a "legal" and "safe" level of drunkenness or seeing just how quickly we could get from Mansfields to Bourbon Street, I have devoted much time, energy and financial resource to my trade. Therefore, the effort to de-boozyfy said self is just not fucking appreciated. I are the way that I are...
- I fucking get it! Enough with the god damn signs already. Yes, I know drinking and driving is me playing roulette with my life in a moving object but I preferred it when I didn't have to hear that little voice that came over loud speaker and said: You've had too much. No more drink for you. Can't drink and drive, must be responsible. I don't particularly like this little voice. I understand why it is there but still, it's fucking annoying. If possible, can you bring back the one that screams: Let the good times roll - she's fucking awesome!
- I am a responsible fully functional adult... mmm, ok so maybe fully functional is a bit of an exaggeration but cut a boozed up tart some slack would ya?! I have a reputation to maintain and going quietly into the night is not one of them. Stop dicking around with me...
- At the current rate, I am spending approximately 10% of my nett salary bribing polisie peoples. This is good drinking money that is being squandered. As previously mentioned, I fucking get it! And as such, would really appreciate you not radioing in to police HQ and informing them of my back-route whereabouts.
I realise that on many occasions I have put my life and those of fellow best tarts in danger but we always made it home ok - a bit shitfaced and tired from smashing pies into them but home and all there! In addition, I have apologised numerous times and thanked my angels, Brit and Tit, in writing!
Universe, I want you to know that I have taken major note of your signs and as I write this have taken massive steps to re-direct my current drunken and possibly out of hand behaviour but I would really appreciate it, if just for one night a weekend, you could quieten my conscious?
As the Parental Unit known as "Dad" always says, everything in moderation... If we both agree to apply this principle, I see no reason why we can't co-exist very happily. We could be the first to strike a mutual understanding - an understanding that would allow for this little voice to stand up and be heard when I am indeed bordering on being a puza'd tart and having to possible maybe kinda face bribing another polisie man if I drive as well as allowing me to be me - in every sense of the word.
All I am asking for is just one night a weekend where the little voice doesn't kick in thus enabling me to go to my happy place! I am willing to agree to this night occurring when I do not have any sort of car keys in my position (as a show of good faith on my part).
I am sure you will find this proposition very fucking reasonable and as such eagerly await your reply.
Much love, BoozyT.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
It don't matter if you Black or White... Really?
Well fuck me George and call me Sunshine...
Every time you think that this country can't get anymore fucking pathetic with its colour issues, some fucking buffoon manages to move the bar just that much further!
The Parental Unit know as "Mom" told me this morning that some fucking bureaucratic official with too much power and shit for brains has decided that unless our Olympic team meets his colour quota, ain't nobody going nowhere! He even went as far as saying that he didn't give two fucks from Sunday where they get the athletes from - fuck they could even get them off the streets of Alexander for all he cared...
What. The. Fuck.
This guy deserves a job with Mugabe. He is fucked in the head and a total fucking nutter!
Whatever happened to being rewarded for personal achievement, for talent, for fucking hard work and dedication to a sport that you not only love but are passionate about? A sport you are willing to build a career on!
Oh well sorry there Sunny, but you're white and therefore well SORRY FOR YOU! It makes me so angry. This whole fucking fix SA's colour indifference is Apartheid all over again - only this time it's the Whites who are being ostracized...
Don't get me wrong, I am by no means a racist. I have Black mates (who I love and adore - Obes you're my man). I was brought up to not see the colour of a person - after all it isn't a deciding factor in anything really. Recently though, SA's new laws and fucking wanker-offs like this guy are teaching us all to view everyone with a colour attached to them. My question to them is how exactly are you suppose to fix the rift between Black and White if all you are telling us to focus on is the very thing that divided this beautiful country in the first place?!
It's fucking comments like this that make me wanna scream at this monkey and ask him why exactly he thinks half of our professional athletes leave SA and go play abroad? Why half of our doctors, nurses, teachers etc are immigrating? Mmmm, I fucking ponder...
How can South Africans ever expect the racial divide that still exists in this country to come to an end when clearly things are not based on whether or not you deserve them, but rather on the colour of your skin!
Every time you think that this country can't get anymore fucking pathetic with its colour issues, some fucking buffoon manages to move the bar just that much further!
The Parental Unit know as "Mom" told me this morning that some fucking bureaucratic official with too much power and shit for brains has decided that unless our Olympic team meets his colour quota, ain't nobody going nowhere! He even went as far as saying that he didn't give two fucks from Sunday where they get the athletes from - fuck they could even get them off the streets of Alexander for all he cared...
What. The. Fuck.
This guy deserves a job with Mugabe. He is fucked in the head and a total fucking nutter!
Whatever happened to being rewarded for personal achievement, for talent, for fucking hard work and dedication to a sport that you not only love but are passionate about? A sport you are willing to build a career on!
Oh well sorry there Sunny, but you're white and therefore well SORRY FOR YOU! It makes me so angry. This whole fucking fix SA's colour indifference is Apartheid all over again - only this time it's the Whites who are being ostracized...
Don't get me wrong, I am by no means a racist. I have Black mates (who I love and adore - Obes you're my man). I was brought up to not see the colour of a person - after all it isn't a deciding factor in anything really. Recently though, SA's new laws and fucking wanker-offs like this guy are teaching us all to view everyone with a colour attached to them. My question to them is how exactly are you suppose to fix the rift between Black and White if all you are telling us to focus on is the very thing that divided this beautiful country in the first place?!
It's fucking comments like this that make me wanna scream at this monkey and ask him why exactly he thinks half of our professional athletes leave SA and go play abroad? Why half of our doctors, nurses, teachers etc are immigrating? Mmmm, I fucking ponder...
How can South Africans ever expect the racial divide that still exists in this country to come to an end when clearly things are not based on whether or not you deserve them, but rather on the colour of your skin!
Walking through Glass Walls
Apparently I am quite a guarded tart...
When I was first told this I took major offense but upon further examination realised that it was true. I can't help it really. I have been hurt in the past and all that jazz which does seem to have left a mark or stain if you could call it that. So I took a vow per say to always protect myself - never ever letting anyone climb that "wall" unless I had deemed them worthy. And by this I mean that they have passed all the little tests and paces I usually put people through before allowing them to enter the most private and personal space of me...
The really strange is that this guardedness only ever comes into play with men. When I meet potential new mates, however, there is no wall. I am as trusting and naive as a new born Bambi. Men are a completely different story! A mate once asked me why this was and to be honest, I have no fucking clue. Maybe because in my mind they are the ones that can hurt you right down to the bone. No matter how ugly / bitchy your best tart gets with you, I don't think it cuts you in quite the same way...
Recently I have met someone who is slowly but surely forcing me to drop my guard inch by inch. In fact, he is turning my walls into glass ones and has this freaky ability to see right through me i.e. he knows when I have started to raise that wall again. It must be the panic in my eyes. You see I am just one of those tarts who never has and probably never will be comfortable with being vulnerable. I like to be the driver, the controlling force.
But this is all changing...
With The Pilot and heaps of support from Crombie, I am slowly learning that it's ok not have to defend yourself every 5 fucking minutes and that no one is perfect all the time (yay!). The really fantastic thing is that I feel like I am evolving... turning from a dinosaur to a butterfly - heck it could even be a revolution! So for the first time in a longtime, I am willing to see how things with The Pilot pan-out: if they do, great guns (as I kinda really like this one) and if not, well then at least I did more than dip my toe in the water...
*chuckle* Walls - wouldn't wanna live behind one forever but maybe, just maybe, allowing someone to turn them into glass and see straight through isn't such a bad idea...
When I was first told this I took major offense but upon further examination realised that it was true. I can't help it really. I have been hurt in the past and all that jazz which does seem to have left a mark or stain if you could call it that. So I took a vow per say to always protect myself - never ever letting anyone climb that "wall" unless I had deemed them worthy. And by this I mean that they have passed all the little tests and paces I usually put people through before allowing them to enter the most private and personal space of me...
The really strange is that this guardedness only ever comes into play with men. When I meet potential new mates, however, there is no wall. I am as trusting and naive as a new born Bambi. Men are a completely different story! A mate once asked me why this was and to be honest, I have no fucking clue. Maybe because in my mind they are the ones that can hurt you right down to the bone. No matter how ugly / bitchy your best tart gets with you, I don't think it cuts you in quite the same way...
Recently I have met someone who is slowly but surely forcing me to drop my guard inch by inch. In fact, he is turning my walls into glass ones and has this freaky ability to see right through me i.e. he knows when I have started to raise that wall again. It must be the panic in my eyes. You see I am just one of those tarts who never has and probably never will be comfortable with being vulnerable. I like to be the driver, the controlling force.
But this is all changing...
With The Pilot and heaps of support from Crombie, I am slowly learning that it's ok not have to defend yourself every 5 fucking minutes and that no one is perfect all the time (yay!). The really fantastic thing is that I feel like I am evolving... turning from a dinosaur to a butterfly - heck it could even be a revolution! So for the first time in a longtime, I am willing to see how things with The Pilot pan-out: if they do, great guns (as I kinda really like this one) and if not, well then at least I did more than dip my toe in the water...
*chuckle* Walls - wouldn't wanna live behind one forever but maybe, just maybe, allowing someone to turn them into glass and see straight through isn't such a bad idea...
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Black... Just Black
So yesterday I felt inspired...
Actually I was bored and thought that my blog needed a bit of a blogging spring clean... This lead to me spending about 20 minutes fiddling and fussing with different colour combinations to make my blog more visually appealing. After all, first impressions are everything - aren't they?!
After settling on a rather funky combo of orange and purple (the colours that shall, one day, be used on my straight jacket) I pressed "save" and wham bam it was done. I mean what is life if it doesn't have a bit of colour in it! The problem is that I get bored. Not easily, but when I am bored the motivational juice that pumps through my veins dries up and I start feeling like the Kalahari. Mmm, not good...
This lead me to the conclusion that I should stick with what I know / like and just make minor tweaks. You know, a tweak here and there but not perform a major overhaul of this extension of moi. So yes, I reverted back to black... Swapping a few colours round until I was happy (this is very uber important).
I read somewhere that people who wear black are hiding... Hiding from what I have no fucking idea but apparently they are hiding nonetheless. I completely disagree with this little statement. I think black represents something sophisticated, charming and very expensive (hence the reason why every car on this planet should be black - Henry Ford was a genius!)...
Actually I was bored and thought that my blog needed a bit of a blogging spring clean... This lead to me spending about 20 minutes fiddling and fussing with different colour combinations to make my blog more visually appealing. After all, first impressions are everything - aren't they?!
After settling on a rather funky combo of orange and purple (the colours that shall, one day, be used on my straight jacket) I pressed "save" and wham bam it was done. I mean what is life if it doesn't have a bit of colour in it! The problem is that I get bored. Not easily, but when I am bored the motivational juice that pumps through my veins dries up and I start feeling like the Kalahari. Mmm, not good...
This lead me to the conclusion that I should stick with what I know / like and just make minor tweaks. You know, a tweak here and there but not perform a major overhaul of this extension of moi. So yes, I reverted back to black... Swapping a few colours round until I was happy (this is very uber important).
I read somewhere that people who wear black are hiding... Hiding from what I have no fucking idea but apparently they are hiding nonetheless. I completely disagree with this little statement. I think black represents something sophisticated, charming and very expensive (hence the reason why every car on this planet should be black - Henry Ford was a genius!)...
Heidie Ho there Lube Girl!
This post is dedicated to Crombie, who clearly, understands me in a way nobody could ever hope to!
Below is a rather colourful conversation that took place today. It demonstrates my ability to think like a guy. God bless MSN. The result of this little convo was approximately 50 used tissues, puffy eyes and an office that thinks I am all kinds of fucked up! I hope you enjoy as much as I did!
Jozigal says:
Hey, are you interested in going to the playtex factory shop with me and the sister on sat
BoozyT says:
Mmm, why, are we shopping for sexy toys.... Do you want to make sexy times?
BoozyT says:
I hear t make on helluva lube!
Jozigal says:
hahahahaha
BoozyT says:
Sounds like fun, count me in dude!
Jozigal says:
... dude, you are so bad.... No shopping for underwear....
BoozyT says:
I said nothing about underwear - I said sexy times. Since when do sexy times ever require underwear...
BoozyT says:
Ok but seriously what are we shopping for then?
Jozigal says:
Underwear....
Jozigal says:
Playtex.... bras.....
BoozyT says:
But you just said we weren't shopping for underwear
BoozyT says:
Oh ok - I finally get it. AM on page 500 now too!
Jozigal says:
not lube.... Underwear....
BoozyT says:
DUH! I was thinking of Durex!
BoozyT says:
Pat the special child!
Jozigal says:
Fuck you are hilarious!!!
Jozigal says:
People are looking at me like I’m insane, g myself silly, in front of my PC....
BoozyT says:
Dude, I can't believe I sat here thinking that it was a strange girlie bonding thing to do... I know, lets all go shopping for lube! YAY!
BoozyT says:
So am I, have just spat snot across my computer! Damn blocked sinuses
Jozigal says:
This is too much....
BoozyT says:
…For one chicken to handle... I'm sure all the boys wished you said that!
Jozigal says:
Cant believe you said yes, you’re in, thinking we are going shopping for Lube....
BoozyT says:
Well I trust you and figured since I had never been in actual sex shop before that it would be entertaining... We could look at vibrators and panties with no holes in them... Mmmm, no wait... Yip, I'm fucked in the head!
BoozyT says:
Did think the request was a little odd but then again maybe not... After all we want sexy times!
Jozigal says:
dude this is the funniest ever!!!
BoozyT says:
I know, am crying some much that I can barely see the keyboard
Jozigal says:
Dude, check your email....
BoozyT says:
I are checking
Jozigal says:
just sent email...
BoozyT says:
And it's empty - all by myself, don't wanna be all by myself (unless it's with a vibrator and some freshly bought Lube!)
Jozigal says:
no check again.... keep checking dammit...
BoozyT says:
Got it!
BoozyT says:
Dude WTF are talking about - its next week Thursday!
Jozigal says:
oh ok.... no worries... then....
BoozyT says:
Silly monkey... Almost wrote do you want to spank my monkey!!!!
Jozigal says:
Yes, I think so...
BoozyT says:
Don't worry, I don't even have a brain anymore. It's all about lube and spandex!
BoozyT says:
My mind she is in zi gutter...
BoozyT says:
So what time we doing Durex?
BoozyT says:
Har har har, I mean Playtex!
Jozigal says:
At about... mmm I think 11
BoozyT says:
Sounds good to me. Allows for some sleepy sleepie time!
BoozyT says:
We can always do lunch or a movie afterwards... After all that lace I think I might need to see something masculine looking...
BoozyT says:
Mmm, that doesn't sound right
Jozigal says:
yes, I agree... Just think we should go check it out...
Jozigal says:
nice underwear for a nice price....
BoozyT says:
No totally
BoozyT says:
Awesome, actually need some new underwear to make sexy times with
Jozigal says:
stop that!!! I cant laugh anymore....
BoozyT says:
I can't help it - it's like WORD VOMIT!
BoozyT says:
My up-chuck reflex is outta control...
BoozyT says:
Soon I will be discussing the bonus points one can hope to achieve by combining a good ja-goo-ga-leigh and lube!
Jozigal says:
The hot trainer just read that whole bit and he just pissed himself laughing...
BoozyT says:
OMG!
Jozigal says:
He thinks you’re fucking hilarious....
Jozigal says:
And wants to set you up with one of his mates...
BoozyT says:
I can't believe you let him read this...
BoozyT says:
Oh... really? Mmmm, which one? And more importantly how old is he???
Jozigal says:
Dude, I had to explain myself pissing myself alone in my office....
Jozigal says:
He is 30, good looking etc...
Jozigal says:
your mojo is in over drive!!!
BoozyT says:
You could have just said that your imaginary friend slipped and fell. That’s totally believable! I'd believe you!
BoozyT says:
Gawd bless MOJO... MOJO, OH MOJO HOW I LOVE THEE... LET ME COUNT THE WAYS... OMG 1...OMG 2... OMG YES YES YES!
Jozigal says:
I’m sure you would, but this seemed funnier!!!
BoozyT says:
Sounds like a prospect... Mmmm... Although Pilot Boy does it for me at the mo
Jozigal says:
great....
BoozyT says:
I'm always keen to meet new peeps. I particularly enjoy watching them as t spit out their wine because I am such a hill-are-i-us individuals
BoozyT says:
Tell him to find some one for you and then we can go double blind dating together! YAY FOR SEXY TIMES! Although I do like my Pilot Boy quite a bit...
Jozigal says:
... Ok, Ill tell him.
BoozyT says:
I think it would be fucking funny evening... Just for shits, giggles and lube!
BoozyT says:
I'll bing the lube and you can bring the sexy times...
BoozyT says:
I have problems!
Jozigal says:
yes, you are disturbed...
Jozigal says:
I like it!!!
BoozyT says:
But devastingly attractively disturbed...
BoozyT says:
I like it to und I like you! In complete non-lesbian up the fanny kinda way
Jozigal says:
yeah what ever you were way too keen to go Lube shopping with me...
BoozyT says:
Whatever! Spandex, Durex, Playtex - they all sound the same! And most importantly: THEY ALL MAKE SEXY TIMES!!!!
Below is a rather colourful conversation that took place today. It demonstrates my ability to think like a guy. God bless MSN. The result of this little convo was approximately 50 used tissues, puffy eyes and an office that thinks I am all kinds of fucked up! I hope you enjoy as much as I did!
Jozigal says:
Hey, are you interested in going to the playtex factory shop with me and the sister on sat
BoozyT says:
Mmm, why, are we shopping for sexy toys.... Do you want to make sexy times?
BoozyT says:
I hear t make on helluva lube!
Jozigal says:
hahahahaha
BoozyT says:
Sounds like fun, count me in dude!
Jozigal says:
... dude, you are so bad.... No shopping for underwear....
BoozyT says:
I said nothing about underwear - I said sexy times. Since when do sexy times ever require underwear...
BoozyT says:
Ok but seriously what are we shopping for then?
Jozigal says:
Underwear....
Jozigal says:
Playtex.... bras.....
BoozyT says:
But you just said we weren't shopping for underwear
BoozyT says:
Oh ok - I finally get it. AM on page 500 now too!
Jozigal says:
not lube.... Underwear....
BoozyT says:
DUH! I was thinking of Durex!
BoozyT says:
Pat the special child!
Jozigal says:
Fuck you are hilarious!!!
Jozigal says:
People are looking at me like I’m insane, g myself silly, in front of my PC....
BoozyT says:
Dude, I can't believe I sat here thinking that it was a strange girlie bonding thing to do... I know, lets all go shopping for lube! YAY!
BoozyT says:
So am I, have just spat snot across my computer! Damn blocked sinuses
Jozigal says:
This is too much....
BoozyT says:
…For one chicken to handle... I'm sure all the boys wished you said that!
Jozigal says:
Cant believe you said yes, you’re in, thinking we are going shopping for Lube....
BoozyT says:
Well I trust you and figured since I had never been in actual sex shop before that it would be entertaining... We could look at vibrators and panties with no holes in them... Mmmm, no wait... Yip, I'm fucked in the head!
BoozyT says:
Did think the request was a little odd but then again maybe not... After all we want sexy times!
Jozigal says:
dude this is the funniest ever!!!
BoozyT says:
I know, am crying some much that I can barely see the keyboard
Jozigal says:
Dude, check your email....
BoozyT says:
I are checking
Jozigal says:
just sent email...
BoozyT says:
And it's empty - all by myself, don't wanna be all by myself (unless it's with a vibrator and some freshly bought Lube!)
Jozigal says:
no check again.... keep checking dammit...
BoozyT says:
Got it!
BoozyT says:
Dude WTF are talking about - its next week Thursday!
Jozigal says:
oh ok.... no worries... then....
BoozyT says:
Silly monkey... Almost wrote do you want to spank my monkey!!!!
Jozigal says:
Yes, I think so...
BoozyT says:
Don't worry, I don't even have a brain anymore. It's all about lube and spandex!
BoozyT says:
My mind she is in zi gutter...
BoozyT says:
So what time we doing Durex?
BoozyT says:
Har har har, I mean Playtex!
Jozigal says:
At about... mmm I think 11
BoozyT says:
Sounds good to me. Allows for some sleepy sleepie time!
BoozyT says:
We can always do lunch or a movie afterwards... After all that lace I think I might need to see something masculine looking...
BoozyT says:
Mmm, that doesn't sound right
Jozigal says:
yes, I agree... Just think we should go check it out...
Jozigal says:
nice underwear for a nice price....
BoozyT says:
No totally
BoozyT says:
Awesome, actually need some new underwear to make sexy times with
Jozigal says:
stop that!!! I cant laugh anymore....
BoozyT says:
I can't help it - it's like WORD VOMIT!
BoozyT says:
My up-chuck reflex is outta control...
BoozyT says:
Soon I will be discussing the bonus points one can hope to achieve by combining a good ja-goo-ga-leigh and lube!
Jozigal says:
The hot trainer just read that whole bit and he just pissed himself laughing...
BoozyT says:
OMG!
Jozigal says:
He thinks you’re fucking hilarious....
Jozigal says:
And wants to set you up with one of his mates...
BoozyT says:
I can't believe you let him read this...
BoozyT says:
Oh... really? Mmmm, which one? And more importantly how old is he???
Jozigal says:
Dude, I had to explain myself pissing myself alone in my office....
Jozigal says:
He is 30, good looking etc...
Jozigal says:
your mojo is in over drive!!!
BoozyT says:
You could have just said that your imaginary friend slipped and fell. That’s totally believable! I'd believe you!
BoozyT says:
Gawd bless MOJO... MOJO, OH MOJO HOW I LOVE THEE... LET ME COUNT THE WAYS... OMG 1...OMG 2... OMG YES YES YES!
Jozigal says:
I’m sure you would, but this seemed funnier!!!
BoozyT says:
Sounds like a prospect... Mmmm... Although Pilot Boy does it for me at the mo
Jozigal says:
great....
BoozyT says:
I'm always keen to meet new peeps. I particularly enjoy watching them as t spit out their wine because I am such a hill-are-i-us individuals
BoozyT says:
Tell him to find some one for you and then we can go double blind dating together! YAY FOR SEXY TIMES! Although I do like my Pilot Boy quite a bit...
Jozigal says:
... Ok, Ill tell him.
BoozyT says:
I think it would be fucking funny evening... Just for shits, giggles and lube!
BoozyT says:
I'll bing the lube and you can bring the sexy times...
BoozyT says:
I have problems!
Jozigal says:
yes, you are disturbed...
Jozigal says:
I like it!!!
BoozyT says:
But devastingly attractively disturbed...
BoozyT says:
I like it to und I like you! In complete non-lesbian up the fanny kinda way
Jozigal says:
yeah what ever you were way too keen to go Lube shopping with me...
BoozyT says:
Whatever! Spandex, Durex, Playtex - they all sound the same! And most importantly: THEY ALL MAKE SEXY TIMES!!!!
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Back from a Jet Plane
So firstly I must apologies for pulling a Houdini the past couple of days but alas this little tart needed some R & R and by that I don't mean Red Bull and Rum but the good old rest and recoup story. I had literally burnt my tarty ass at both ends of my non-existent yet ever present candle.
As I do when I need said R & R, I retreated to Cape Town. This in itself is an absolute irony and a slight oxymoron but nonetheless there is something about being by the sea that feeds my soul. Something every tart needs, especially when you live and breathe the rat race for a living! Of course this is where I should probably tell you that the said R & R never really happened except for the 16 hours of sleep I managed to get on Sunday. But I suppose in my own non-alcoholically challenged way my liver (and my soul.. yes yes very important) got some of the rest it has been begging me for lately. Although I probably shouldn't have drunk so many Tequilas or Voddies and Red Bull but I still believe that these active ingredients played a vital role in this tart having a successful catch up session...
... And by this I mean pass out drunk and sleep for 16 hours!
Viva la Town that is la Cape!
As I do when I need said R & R, I retreated to Cape Town. This in itself is an absolute irony and a slight oxymoron but nonetheless there is something about being by the sea that feeds my soul. Something every tart needs, especially when you live and breathe the rat race for a living! Of course this is where I should probably tell you that the said R & R never really happened except for the 16 hours of sleep I managed to get on Sunday. But I suppose in my own non-alcoholically challenged way my liver (and my soul.. yes yes very important) got some of the rest it has been begging me for lately. Although I probably shouldn't have drunk so many Tequilas or Voddies and Red Bull but I still believe that these active ingredients played a vital role in this tart having a successful catch up session...
... And by this I mean pass out drunk and sleep for 16 hours!
Viva la Town that is la Cape!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Hi, my name is... What? My name is... Who?
Fuck. Me.
I have never in my whole life of being a boozy tart had my Puza face on for such an extended period of time!
No seriously, I am even starting to worry that I am turning into the dreaded individual who has to attend a certain kind of meeting once / twice a week and discuss her feelings about being absolutely boozed with a circle of complete strangers. This is one circle of trust that I really hope I never join.
The problem is that this dreaded circle of trust has apparently been in my family for generations. Yes, my family really loves this circle. Particularly my uncle and nonna, oh and great-grandmother on the Parental Unit known as Mom's side. So it's rather distressing and then not...
They say that the first step to "recovery" is admitting you have a problem... Well I have a fucking problem:
I have never in my whole life of being a boozy tart had my Puza face on for such an extended period of time!
No seriously, I am even starting to worry that I am turning into the dreaded individual who has to attend a certain kind of meeting once / twice a week and discuss her feelings about being absolutely boozed with a circle of complete strangers. This is one circle of trust that I really hope I never join.
The problem is that this dreaded circle of trust has apparently been in my family for generations. Yes, my family really loves this circle. Particularly my uncle and nonna, oh and great-grandmother on the Parental Unit known as Mom's side. So it's rather distressing and then not...
They say that the first step to "recovery" is admitting you have a problem... Well I have a fucking problem:
- Why are there only 2 days in a weekend?! I mean what bloody genius woke-up one day and decided that everyone should work 5 days and have 2 days off. It just isn't working for me (or my liver) and I think I seriously need to petition some higher being to change this...
- I am at work! Always a big problem when working out your final days at The Company
- My alcohol induced state can be blamed on two sole individuals. The one being Crombie (who I love to tid bits but duhling seriously I worry when we drop 3 bottles of vino like its 2l of Coke). The other one is a new addition to my life and one that is proving to be highly addictive. He is, in fact, the main culprit and thus is entirely responsible for my new found um... mmm... how to put this; habit?
So now that I have admitted my problems and been totally and completely brutally honest, I have been saved....
Saved from having to search the web for said meetings. Saved from having to attend said meetings. And saved from joining that circle of trust!
Mmm, if you ask me - I think its been a highly productive day!
Friday, June 08, 2007
MOFRO Seek and Destroy Mission
Crombie's boss is the biggest fucking mofro on the planet!
The man is a jackass. He has bum fuckage problems and therefore feels the need to be a completely uptight tosser. Whats even worse is that this mofro fucker rather kinda fancies himself. Problem is he's the type of guy you bag and do it for your country. The universe was not kind in the looks department.
So Mofro has been a real fucking bastard to Crombie as of late. You knows what the man's problem is - maybe he shoved a pencil up his bum and forgot to remove it or he's having troubles with the Mrs. Whatever the fucking problem is there is absolutely no need to become a wanker to the one employee who bends over backwards for you (oh now really darling...)
I spit on this Mofro's shoes. I spit in his ghastly, so 19-fucking-20's curly ass hair. Although my main problem with this is that he might very ask me: spits or swallows babyeeee... ggggrrrrr!
The man is a jackass. He has bum fuckage problems and therefore feels the need to be a completely uptight tosser. Whats even worse is that this mofro fucker rather kinda fancies himself. Problem is he's the type of guy you bag and do it for your country. The universe was not kind in the looks department.
So Mofro has been a real fucking bastard to Crombie as of late. You knows what the man's problem is - maybe he shoved a pencil up his bum and forgot to remove it or he's having troubles with the Mrs. Whatever the fucking problem is there is absolutely no need to become a wanker to the one employee who bends over backwards for you (oh now really darling...)
I spit on this Mofro's shoes. I spit in his ghastly, so 19-fucking-20's curly ass hair. Although my main problem with this is that he might very ask me: spits or swallows babyeeee... ggggrrrrr!
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
The crazy bag lady or was it the drunken skunk?
Fuck. Me.
I was the crazy bag lady who was as pissed as a fucking bergie on Cape Town's streets last Friday. Drunk as a fucking skunk I was. Unable to remember where the hell we'd parked my car (or my bloody mind for that matter). The real clincher though, was when I walked around the Engen garage up the road from Crombie's place talking to myself...
Wait, let me elaborate! Firstly, I was under the influence of copious amounts of Olmeca, Jose and Sauvignon Blanc. Secondly, at 2am you're fucking hungry - especially when you haven't eaten the whole day. Solution? Stop off at your friendly Engen kitchen and grab some chow. Simple enough. Well not really. Not really because I was convinced Crombie was with me when in actual fact she was slumped over rat-faced in my car. This meant that I ambled around the Engen shop asking "Crombie" what exactly "she" wanted to eat, totally unaware that I was in fact talking to myself...
Since I believe that everything in life happens for a reason, Crombie and I desperately tried to figure out the reason for my crazy bag lady moment... The only we could come up with was to entertain the Engen staff. Nice!
I was the crazy bag lady who was as pissed as a fucking bergie on Cape Town's streets last Friday. Drunk as a fucking skunk I was. Unable to remember where the hell we'd parked my car (or my bloody mind for that matter). The real clincher though, was when I walked around the Engen garage up the road from Crombie's place talking to myself...
Wait, let me elaborate! Firstly, I was under the influence of copious amounts of Olmeca, Jose and Sauvignon Blanc. Secondly, at 2am you're fucking hungry - especially when you haven't eaten the whole day. Solution? Stop off at your friendly Engen kitchen and grab some chow. Simple enough. Well not really. Not really because I was convinced Crombie was with me when in actual fact she was slumped over rat-faced in my car. This meant that I ambled around the Engen shop asking "Crombie" what exactly "she" wanted to eat, totally unaware that I was in fact talking to myself...
Since I believe that everything in life happens for a reason, Crombie and I desperately tried to figure out the reason for my crazy bag lady moment... The only we could come up with was to entertain the Engen staff. Nice!
In the words of the M People...
... I'M MOVING ON UP!
MOVING ON OUT!
TIME TO BREAK FREE... NOTHING CAN STOP ME! YEAH!
Yip this tart has finally managed to secure her passport and visa out of this little bacon making factory and onto to bigger and definitely far more fantabulous things!
I am glowing with joy. Overwhelmed by pride. And most of all am so fucking happy to be getting the fuck out of The Company.
Sometimes I guess it is just time to cut your losses and walk away. I have been waiting for this day for months and I must say the freedom and weight-relief I feel when I walk into my soon-to-be-ex-office is awesome. I feel like running down the passages, naked and screaming!
My new job is fucking fantastic and my new boss, well she is just short of the best thing since sliced bread!
So now I sit and wait, patiently, while the days here tick tock away and the while sitting here and thinking: So long suckers, you can kiss my tight, perky little but-tocks adios! Woo fucking hoo!!!
MOVING ON OUT!
TIME TO BREAK FREE... NOTHING CAN STOP ME! YEAH!
Yip this tart has finally managed to secure her passport and visa out of this little bacon making factory and onto to bigger and definitely far more fantabulous things!
I am glowing with joy. Overwhelmed by pride. And most of all am so fucking happy to be getting the fuck out of The Company.
Sometimes I guess it is just time to cut your losses and walk away. I have been waiting for this day for months and I must say the freedom and weight-relief I feel when I walk into my soon-to-be-ex-office is awesome. I feel like running down the passages, naked and screaming!
My new job is fucking fantastic and my new boss, well she is just short of the best thing since sliced bread!
So now I sit and wait, patiently, while the days here tick tock away and the while sitting here and thinking: So long suckers, you can kiss my tight, perky little but-tocks adios! Woo fucking hoo!!!
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