I am, in Lyman's terms, f.u.c.k.e.d. Properly actually...
And this is the reason why...
In an effort to determine the quickest throats in the agency, we will conduct a departmental Boat Race to determine the fastest consumers in the agency @ agency drinks this afternoon.
Each dept has a team of 5 representatives to participate in the challenge.
- Teams must be comprised of a 60/40 gender split.
- 5 vs 5 in a beer drinking relay.
- Each drinker has to complete his/her beer and place empty beer can upside down on their heads to indicate completion – once this is done, the next drinker may proceed.
- The first team to complete all 5 legs will be awarded the title of Boat Race champions.
- Along with this prestigious title, the winning team will be richly rewarded with a worthwhile prize.
- Judges will be present.
Naturally, my work colleagues have heard the ghastly (and very untrue) rumours concerning my drinking habits and ability. In fact, these rumours have led them to believe that not only can I drink beer *gag* but I can down it in like super-fast-quick-quick-lightening speed. They think I am the champion of shebeen drinking - the thirsty leper that sits and dops all day long. Fucking awesome!
Now you might say, well so what's the big deal? The big deal, my dear readers, is that I am not only part of the boat race but I am our team leader. The big deal is that everyone is counting on me to show them how us uncultured tarts drink. The big deal is that I am fucked or will be at exactly 5:01pm today ;) Thank fuck for all the funneling done in first year...
... If you'll excuse me, I have to go mentally prepare for the drinking challenge ahead. Wish me luck!
