Walking through Glass Walls

Apparently I am quite a guarded tart...

When I was first told this I took major offense but upon further examination realised that it was true. I can't help it really. I have been hurt in the past and all that jazz which does seem to have left a mark or stain if you could call it that. So I took a vow per say to always protect myself - never ever letting anyone climb that "wall" unless I had deemed them worthy. And by this I mean that they have passed all the little tests and paces I usually put people through before allowing them to enter the most private and personal space of me...

The really strange is that this guardedness only ever comes into play with men. When I meet potential new mates, however, there is no wall. I am as trusting and naive as a new born Bambi. Men are a completely different story! A mate once asked me why this was and to be honest, I have no fucking clue. Maybe because in my mind they are the ones that can hurt you right down to the bone. No matter how ugly / bitchy your best tart gets with you, I don't think it cuts you in quite the same way...

Recently I have met someone who is slowly but surely forcing me to drop my guard inch by inch. In fact, he is turning my walls into glass ones and has this freaky ability to see right through me i.e. he knows when I have started to raise that wall again. It must be the panic in my eyes. You see I am just one of those tarts who never has and probably never will be comfortable with being vulnerable. I like to be the driver, the controlling force.

But this is all changing...

With The Pilot and heaps of support from Crombie, I am slowly learning that it's ok not have to defend yourself every 5 fucking minutes and that no one is perfect all the time (yay!). The really fantastic thing is that I feel like I am evolving... turning from a dinosaur to a butterfly - heck it could even be a revolution! So for the first time in a longtime, I am willing to see how things with The Pilot pan-out: if they do, great guns (as I kinda really like this one) and if not, well then at least I did more than dip my toe in the water...

*chuckle* Walls - wouldn't wanna live behind one forever but maybe, just maybe, allowing someone to turn them into glass and see straight through isn't such a bad idea...