Persistent Little Rabbit…

Friday night saw me have a rather enlightening encounter. And no, I am not talking about meeting the big man upstairs or my guardian angel (which was probably recovering from a fucking hangover). This enlightening encounter involved my Achilles Heel’s child-hood friend, Plain Jane.

Plain Jane and I had a very amusing convo on Friday night which after Crombie pointed out, made me finally realize that men will do anything for a score and the easier it is to get, the faster they are running of the pick-up lines… Zi convo went something like this:

PJ: Hey… How you been – you look stunning…

Me: Thanks, good to see you…

PJ: Do you still talk to Achilles Heel?

Me: Um kinda but not really, why???

At this point I am fucking smelling a dead rat…

PJ: Oh it’s just that we kinda got together in like June and ever since then he won’t return my phone calls, texts, nothing. He can go fuck himself for all I care. He is a complete asshole who is only interested in racking up the chicks.

I am now thinking – WHOA! Sounds like a female with the male version of penius envy to me. She is also sounding rather fucking crazy at this point but I figure I’ll run with it. I have after all never been the type of tart to turn down a chance to get some great goss especially when it pertains to my Achilles Heel… So of course I played the supportive ear *wicked grin*

Me: Oh I didn’t know that. Shame man – you sound like you are having a rough time with it but then again it’s not like you guys shagged each other so it shouldn’t have affected the friendship as badly as you say…

Note the subtle fishing – fucking A, who says tarts can’t fish?!


PJ: I know but he is just such a…a…. I mean I go to his dad’s house for dinner loads of times with my folks and I know he doesn’t come because he knows that I will be there. I mean we just kissed and so I just don’t get it… He just doesn’t know what he wants and I just can’t believe that he didn’t tell you either…

Now in order to fully understand my fucking amusement and pure joy at this statement you need to grasp the following:
1. She goes to these dinners uninvited…She just tags along – like the fat ugly kid at school who used to try and sneak into your sleep-over parties all the fucking time… very irritating
2. These dinners are at my Achilles Heel’s dad’s house (emphasis on Achilles Heel’s dad’s house) so why the fuck she thinks he would be there just amazes me – I mean the man is 25 for fuck’s sake and unlike her is not attached to her parentals ass hole!
3. Actually he knows exactly what he wants – it just isn’t you… This is when I realize that my brothers favourite saying of: meat is meat and a man’s gotta eat… applies to this situation
4. He never said anything because you obviously weren’t that memorable plus I had just blown him off (still trying to understand that decision – sigh)
5. He didn’t shag her!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Oh well, shit happens. I mean things like this happen all the time…

PJ: I know, I mean just because we have seen each other naked doesn’t mean we can’t be friends…

Ffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!
Nnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooo - see number 5 above!
I just consoled myself with the fact that it must have been a very hectic snog session or she was lying (Crombie voted for this option) or even better yet – he saw her naked and decided: fuck no, I ain’t giving that a rogering! I think I like that option best…

PJ: I mean it is ssssooooooooo bad that when I see him out he doesn’t even greet me…

Ka-ching! Jackpot…

Me: Oh really – that’s odd and so sad. Strange though, Achilles Heel isn’t like that, at least not with me… Are you sure?

PJ: Oh… Of course I am sure, it was that night at The Palms that just all happened to be there…I mean he just totally ignored me and then sat watching some other chick on the dance floor the whole night… So unfair! Fucking bastard! *her friend waves* Oh well have a good evening, see you around…

Alleluia! Alleluia!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I, of course being the totally fabulous drunken tart that I am didn’t see the point in being a total fucking bitch (was oh so extremely tempted but I just know that Karma would come back and bite me in the ass over shit like that) and hence didn’t tell her that THAT chick on the dance floor that night… was me!