It’s official: I’m getting old or at least feel like I am! *sniff sniff* I mean gone are the days of being able to go out on a huge mother fucking piss up and give it horns almost every night. Yip, I’m getting old alright – I mean one big night for me and I am toast, finito, fucked, KO, non-comprende… You get the idea. Now this is hugely devastating to a tart like me! I thrive on drunken action and sozzled chit chat…
I remember the days when I could drink my boys under the table – their only tarty chick friend to ever manage to do so. And that was in Matric! So technically my drinking peak hadn’t been reached yet and I looked to my future with gusto, eager to devour it and all the Tequila’s that Jozi could offer!
Unfortunately for me my drinking stamina has collapsed – poof, gone, vanished, completely bloody fucked off and left me high and dry (more often than not suffering from cotton mouth) with nothing more than a fucking headache which would indicate my head had been run over by a fucking behemoth of a truck! I mean, the sensitivity to day time is almost so bad I had to ponder if I was a vampire for a few hours… Mmmm, do I like to suck people’s blood? Um no… Do I like to drink blood? Hell no… Ok so I am not a vampire but I did have to question why the sun just had to shine so god damn brightly and what is with the bloody birds – we all know you go “tweet tweet” you fucking annoying things! *arg*
I even tried the use of good ol’ KGB – hey I figured if the Russians invented something as fucking fan-bloody-tastic as vodka, why not?! Well it did kinda took the feeling of acquainting myself with the porcelain god for the rest of the “day-after” away but other than that, it was just plain fucking useless! And to think, that 40 bucks could have bought me 2 glasses of vino – oh the tragedy!
So I have decided that the only way to prevent this age degeneration and lack of drinking stamina is to simply up the big tarty nights out – that way I will just have to push through my hang-over the next day. After all, the only way to fight alcohol… Is with MORE alcohol!
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