Meet the Rentals...

Oh. Jesus. Christ...

Tonight I am officially meeting The Pilot's parents.

Normally, meeting the parents isn't such a big thing for me... Actually, the idea of meeting the parents doesn't really seem like too much of a big deal. Couldn't comprehend why all my tarts would stress about being put in an intimate environment (aka dinner) with your new squeeze next to you and his rentals on the other side of the table staring at you with those scrupulous eyes, judging you... *gulp*

I used to laugh this idea off like it was a relatively decent joke. Today though I am not fucking laughing. Today I will be running the gauntlet and what I envision is worse than any hell some bible punting tosser could dream of.

I have a very vivid imagination and so at this particular point in time it seems to be running away with me. Running away at such a pace that I think Nike might need to invent some new trainers to cope! Firstly, I have visions of having my life (and most likely me) being open to complete scrutiny. Interrogated like a war criminal - fucking awesome!

So in my mild state of panic (this includes the melodramatic panic of what the fuck I am going to wear and can I really wear those shoes?) I googled meeting the parents in hope that some genius out there on the worldwide web would have some calming and insightful tips...

Things to Remember on a first visit:

Be polite and show respect - Mmm, not very helpful but I suppose useful to remember
Don't have a hangover from the night before - Tick :)
Don't ever refer to sex and your partner - Yes because I would so love his parents to know all about our little shenanigans
Don't ask if you can sleep together at their house - Hahahaha, you must be fucking kidding me? Um, excuse me Mr The Pilot's Dad, do you mind if I shag your son shitless in your guest bedroom? Ja, somehow I think that one was a no-brainer... So tick :)
Take small gift with you that has been researched - Do chocolates count as research?
Refer to the parents formally unless invited otherwise - Tick :)
Do not drink alcohol unless invited - Fuck that sucks. What a bullshit tip... Next!
Never attempt to smoke, even in the garden or yard - Awesome!
Never refuse food and drink. Accept graciously - I would never dream of rejecting drink. I love drink! Bring on the drink...
Do show humor and character but not too much - Mmm, so what their really saying is show restraint right?! Restraint - I can be restrained ;) *giggle*
Do think through some basic questions they may ask - NEXT!
Do not be evasive about your work or career - This will definitely not be a problem, I love my career! Tick :)
Dress well and look presentable - Five fucking ticks :) :) :) :) :)
Avoid any form of bad language - Does fuck count as bad language? I kinda think of it as descriptive language... Fuck, no more saying fuck from 7pm onwards. Fuck - this is a tuffie!
Think of the entire situation as a small interview - Oh great, awesome, totally fucking kiff!

... I am officially fucked!