Cuts like a Knife

Fuck. Me

I can't believe it.

I am still in shock and am fighting the urge to pinch myself and yell: wake up, it's just a bad dream. But it isn't a bad dream - it's real. As real as me having to listen to the Parental Unit known as "Dad" cry on the phone...

The fragility of life amazes me and its times like these when I find myself wondering why it takes someone close to you to pass away for you to realise how precious life truly is. It makes you realise that each day is a blessing.

I still keep looking at my phone, willing it to ring, willing it to be my Mom on other end telling me it was all a bad joke. I know this won't happen but right now I'm not sure how to deal with the news my ears heard literally 20 minutes ago...

So strange to think that I won't ever hear his voice again or that my Dad won't be able to go out on the piss with him. In case you're wondering, my Dad's best mate died last night. He was like a second godfather to me (in a non-Mafioso kinda way)! The most gut wrenching thing about the news is how my Dad has been affected. It just breaks my heart, actually it shatters it!

My Dad's mate will leave a massive gap in many peoples lives. So wrong and unfair... And I can feel the dread building up inside me knowing that his funeral will be sometime next week. Funerals freak me out. Don't know why, they just do. The whole ashes to ashes and dust to dust thing makes me nervous...

So this blog post is dedicated to MM (Dad's mate) who lived his life to the fullest, who taught me so many things (particularly how to drink whisky) and who most of all, will be missed every day!