Things I Hate About the Ex-Newbie

This post is dedicated to old newbie of my team. This guy has got to be the most fucking irritating dork to ever exist. The man's inability to think for himself has got to be his most enduring quality! I am at my wits end when it comes to this... this... fuck I don't even know what to call him but he drives me insane!

The ways I hate the ex-newbie:

1. He hums everytime he gets busy. Fucking. Hums. Since we work for a bacon making factory, this equates to me having to listen to his fucking humming for 8.5 hours a day. That's a total of 42.5 hours of humming a week. For fuck's sake can he not just shut the fuck up? Would an hour of peace and quiet be too much to ask????
2. He is incapable of saying no. Somehow his brain just doesn't comprehend the use of the letter 'n' with that of 'o'. Or maybe he's just fucking thick? Either way, it drives me mental.
3. He's cocky. But not jock cocky. No no no, I know how to handle jock cock. He's cocky in that geeky wanna-be-hardcore kinda way. Think he has hunk-a-phobia. I mean really, if you looked like Brad Pitt or Wentworth Miller then by all means gloat and be a cock. But if don't; sit down, shut up and fuck off!
4. He has no balls. Absolutely. No. Cahonies. None. Zip. Zero. If you told ex-newbie to actually go and grow some (or even grab some for that matter) the poor Matilda would look at you like a rabbit in headlights...
5. He calls me by my nickname. Now I'm sorry but only my familia and my friends call me by my nickname. Since he doesn't fall into those two categories, he should be addressing me in the proper manner. I swear if he calls me by that name again I am going to ram my clutch pencil down his throat, sidewards!
6. He is fucking irritating. Really fucking irritating (Super-H can vouch for this).

Generally, when I dislike people, they know about it. For some reason though, this buffoon just doesn't get it...

... Anyone know a good hitman?